HARLOW! this is ah hock, welcome to my show! it is the very special first episode of this show, is called ZHNG MY BLOG! Got some peoples will ask why call this zhng my blog...well let ah hock tell you, it is very easy one, because i will help you to zhng your blog until nice nice, got alot of visitor will come, then they will tells other people, until your blog become damn popular until feature in newspaper like the mrbrown and miyagi liddat ah...then you become famous, like lim peh, and then all the girls will come after you. if you dowan girl to come after you, no problem! i call my uncle ang lee to zhng for you then you can get all the brokeleg ah pek to come find you one...
okay first, i tells you the basics. this one ah, is the most important. NUMBER ONE: you must got blog first. very simple right? too simple until dun need me to tell you? your head ah! got some people come find me want to zhng their blog then i ask where is their blog and they go 'huh what blog'. this kind of customer ah, really gimme headache ah. if you dun have blog then i zhng what? you think like ang lee make crouching blog hidden journal issit? or is it magic like the david cobaltfield? from nothing make a blog for you, i tell you go fly kite la... you go make blog first. make finish then come and kah jiao me.
okay next, you make your blog already i can can zhng for you nice nice. if your blog very plain. then no good. go there kua si mi? must make it attractive..one of the popular thing ah, is to put photo. up to you la, can put photo of zoe tay, jessica liaoba also can. but very important, if you do not look like celebrity liddat, you cannot put your own photo. why? cos if people visit your blog and see an ugly face there they will do 2 things. no1: either they laugh like siao, cough like siao and vomit their lunch. no2: they zhijie vomit lunch when they see the picture. I tells you ah, you dowan either of this things to happen. cos if ppl vomit on their computer then their com spoil and they cannot see your blog. they also will not want to come see your blog again. see for what? sure vomit blood one. the only time they go your blog is when they want to eat buffet cos they eat until full full then they log on your blog, see the kena-lorry-langah-face then vomit and can eat more food. so, either you put nice photo of chiobu or shuaige or you go for plastic surgery. you can try the buttox injection, i hear it very powderful one, they inject your face until it smooth like baby backside, thats why they call it buttox
alright when your blog got people come and kaypoh already ah, you must let them give comment, cos when you get comment it shows you are popular. so i recommend that i zhng for you the tagboard. the tagboard very special one, it can know who is the person tagging and tell you. so ah if got some bo liao bum come and tag your board scold you scold your mother your father, you can trace him. trace until damn zhun, give you their name their address their ic their library card number, even the name of their dog also can. its no problem, ah hock can do for you. how much? aiyah very cheap la, in fact i give you special deal, one time only. i can make sure got chiobu come and tag your blog, say nice thing about you then leave their number, say they wanna be friends. everyone will say you damn seh ah to attract some many admirers. erm but whether you call and actually get guy or girl on the other end i dunno ah, that one is the supplier problem not mine
okay that's it for today, thank yous so much for watching my show. hock will be back with more tips on how to zhng your blog, next time i show you how to make blog until damn fierce one ah, everyone see will go wahhhh so zai so pro one. till then this is ah hock saying goodbai!!!!!
~done in tribute of and with inspiration from zhng my car of the mrbrown show~
zhng my blog
Monday, March 27, 2006
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